Synergy: A Mindset That Can Help You Negotiate & Transform Your Life

Written by: Reizel Larrea-Alvarez, Emmy Award-Winning Journalist & Founder of Negotiation Synergy™

Synergy: An interaction or cooperation giving rise to a whole that is greater than the individual sum of its parts.

If you look closely, you'll realize that nothing in this world exists on its own... including us! As human beings, we rely upon each other's unique skills and talents to survive, collaborate and evolve. It's at the core of what business, government, and community are all about! The greatest inventions, discoveries and initiatives that exist today are a result of people working together, in synergy, to make change and fulfill the unimaginable. When we work together, we co-create outcomes that are greater than what could have been accomplished individually. Synergy is what moves the human race forward.

For instance, look at how many people it took to put a man on the moon! Rob Ashton said it best in an article he wrote on the 50th anniversary of putting a man on the moon:

 "Those of us who have grown up with the knowledge that this happened may easily take it for granted. But it's actually difficult to overstate the technical achievement all of this represented. Just eight years earlier, the Americans had never even been into space. To achieve what President John F. Kennedy called the greatest technical endeavor of the twentieth century in such a ridiculously short stretch of time seems nothing short of miraculous.

 Yet, it wasn't achieved with a miracle.

 It was achieved by around 400,000 scientists, engineers, and technicians, working in concert over an eight-year period. Sometimes working together perfectly, most of the time stumbling forwards – just like we all do – but, over time, making incredible progress.To bring together the best of human knowledge and focus it on executing one insanely ambitious project was made possible only by the efficient transfer of knowledge from brain to brain. It was achieved by solving problems together, advancing science, and sharing technical expertise, and by constant motivation to keep going."

One word sums this up perfectly... SYNERGY!

It's important to note that synergy is not only something we can have with others. Synergy also exists within! Think about it, when our body is working in synergy with itself (our heart, lungs, nervous system, etc.) we feel great! But when something is off and not working in synergy, we get sick. The same thing happens with our minds!

When our mind is consumed by limiting beliefs, we feel stuck, unfulfilled, and uncertain about what we want/what we should do. However, when we are self-aware and our mindset is aligned with our values, strengths, wants, needs and purpose, we feel optimistic, energized and can accomplish incredible feats in our personal and professional lives.

The thing is, a lot of people are NOT working in synergy with themselves because they resist being self-aware and are not authentic to who they are and the things that are most important to them. This lack of clarity creates immense self-doubt and inner turmoil that prevents us from reaching our greatest potential.

How can we expect to co-create with others, scale our business, and feel fulfilled on a personal level if our mindset is working against us? Working OUT of synergy? If we don't have synergy within FIRST, we won't be able to achieve maximum synergy with others. It all begins with our mindset.

So where does negotiation come into all of this?

There are many definitions of what a negotiation is, but the one that resonates the most with me is the one Alexandra Carter, Professor of Law and Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, shares in her book Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything:

Negotiation: Any conversation in which you are steering a relationship towards a goal.

This definition resonates with me because it centers on relationships and conversations. It focuses on people first, outcome second. It highlights that negotiations are about human interaction, connection, collaboration and hence.. negotiations are about finding SYNERGY!

Negotiations don't have to be seen as scary, stressful or something to be avoided because it's worse than getting a root canal! (That's really how I felt once upon a time!) The truth is, negotiations are not only something we do in business. We negotiate in our daily lives in even the simplest of ways, like deciding where to go eat for dinner with our spouse or our friends. But it doesn't stop there... we don't only negotiate with other people...

Guess who the #1 and most important person we negotiate with is? Yup, OURSELVES!

We negotiate with our internal dialogue from the moment we wake up in the morning to the moment we go to sleep. And many times, this internal dialogue is flooded with limiting beliefs that hold us back from doing what we want to do. Think about it, have you ever negotiated yourself OUT of speaking up or sharing an idea you wanted to suggest to your boss? Have you ever negotiated yourself OUT of asking for more money in a negotiation with a client and ended up settling for less than you knew your work deserved?

The way to find synergy within is by becoming self-aware of the internal conversations we have with ourselves and re-framing the limiting beliefs that do not serve us/prevent us from achieving the outcomes we want. When we identify the dialogue we are using to negotiate with ourselves, we begin to understand how those conversations are either steering us in the direction of our goals or away from them. This clarity is what allows us to align with our true selves and gives us the confidence to move forward and be able to negotiate for the things we want.

If you're thinking "easier said than done"... yes, I get it! It does take a lot of self-awareness, but once you start practicing synergy and incorporating this mindset in your day to day, I can assure you that you'll feel more in tune and connected to what you uniquely bring to the table and the ways you can serve or contribute. As a result, your relationships with others will feel so much more fulfilling because by finding that synergy within and knowing what you want, you now have the empathy to understand, acknowledge and appreciate the other party and see where the possibilities to collaborate exist.

Once we find synergy within, it opens the doors to finding synergy with others. Synergy allows us to steer negotiations to a place of authentic curiosity so we can seek understanding and build trusting relationships where we can innovate, co-create and shoot for the moon!